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  • Harshad Joshi 7:16 am on March 10, 2010 Permalink | Reply  

    Survival Guide for Taking a D… 

    Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work (Circular Issued by @harisadu)

    ESCAPEE Definition: A fart that slips out while peeing or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are next to the farter, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

    JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee) Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun’s pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

    COURTESY FLUSH Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

    WALK OF SHAME Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

    OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.

    THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

    SAFE HAVEN Definition: A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

    TURD BURGLAR Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

    CAMO-COUGH Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

    ASTAIRE Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

    WATERMELON Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

    HAVANA OMELET Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

    UNCLE TED Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

    FLY BY Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

    CRACK WHORE Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Telltale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and shit streaks. Avoid CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don’t forget, with a good cleaning, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN.

    FREQUENT FLYER Definition: Someone who keeps going in the bathroom to check if it is empty. This always looks bad for that person.

    Have you ever heard of the “DRAG BUNT?”- that is when you are walking by a bunch of people and farting the whole time, dragging it by the unknowing victims.

    Boss Talk from the legendary Hari Sadu..

    Posted via web from [root@localhost /root]#

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  • Harshad Joshi 5:37 am on March 10, 2010 Permalink | Reply  

    Outburst on Indian tv media – an old story retold 

    Now that the dust has settled down….

    "Power and Monopoly 
    This is danger 
    Until you have it.."

    Barksha Dutt, Rajdeep Sardesai and many of the english speaking journalists are the entities having misappropriate powers sadely they dont know how to control, they dont even know what exactly their purpose is..

    Are these guys government blackmailers, are these people the lawmakers of the country, are these people supposed to enlighten people, are these people politicos in making?? Galore…!!

    A duty of any kind of journalist is just to put up a news or an event in front of people without altering its meaning or without adding his or her own view in it..

    What do we see?

    "Nothing is evil 
    nothing is bad 
    If you get paid for it.."

    In India, journalists for some reasons believe that they have got an uncontrolled power to speak,write and say anything and everything..On top of it, commercial news channels are busy 'creating' news. Ok, I agree that this new found sector of news channels will take some time to mature, but how long do we have to wait?

    "One month passed by 
    Mumbai moves on 
    Perils of democracy…"

    What did we see on 26/11 attacks? The TV media became the eyes of terrorists..If it hadent for some brave men, a handful of terrorists actually managed to control the Indian commercial capital..why did it happen?

    Again, uncontrolled power…the media made a reality show out of it. I thank God that there were no sms competitions held like 

    ' Which terrorist is the deadliest'
    1. Ajaml Kasab
    2. Lalu Yadav
    3. Amar Singh

    My dear blogger friends. 

    We have got great responsibility on our hands, so many challenges lie ahead of us, we want to build an entire nation, we have to transform enslaved mentality people into confident and faithful, loyal citizens..Its a task we cant leave for politicos nor these journalists..

    Lets not get arrogant like those journos..We are bloggers, Its our space, we will use it for our good purpose and not for mongering around like TV channels…

    I hope we will ignore poor souls like Barkha Dutt, Rajdeep Sardesai, Sagarika Ghosh and all the news channels funded by western money..

    PS- All haiku are written by me,Dr Zen. If you want to copy it somewhere,just tell me, you wont need to pay me money, however, commercial use of haiku s prohibited unless you send me a hefty cheque. ;)_

    This comment is under creative commons, Haikus (c) Dr Zen.

    This was written long time ago, but much of it is relevant today. In between phase the media did try some antics about Jesica Lal etc, it was more out of self interest to stay in news and trick people that its good for them, but nevertheless, the nonsense still continues…

    Posted via email from [root@localhost /root]#

     
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