What is your “Blog Cheesiness Factor” ? Mine is -48.

Warning: reading this post is most certainly a waste of your time, and if you decide to compute your “Blog Cheesiness Factor” that I just made up, don’t complain that this was a complete waste of time. As a Friday night blogging topic, I’m just granting myself the excuse that it’s been a long week, and that it is OK.

Last night I was reading one of issues of Might Magazine, specifically Might #7: the Cheese Issue, and I realized that blogs didn’t really exist then, but there’s a lot of Blog Cheese out there. You know, the tired cliches, tackiness, presumption, bragging, self-indulgence or just proving you have your head so far up your ass your blog is technically a travel blog.
Just off the top of my head (and I’ve been guilty of so many of these so I’m not making fun of anyone, seriously. Seriously, if you see yourself here, you see me and pretty much every other blogger – I used my own site for inspiration!).
Most of these are just cliches…

Because some of those “cheesy thingies” are classic, I decided to compute a “Blog Cheesiness Factor” for my two blogs. The BCF is defined as Sum (cheesy things you do on your blogs) – Sum (cheesy things you have not done on your blogs). Going through that profond self examination requires a good 15 minutes and complete honesty. Don’t say that you did do something you didn’t do, and vice versa. Oh, and things in this list you did in the last five minutes don’t count.

Things I do/did:

* Linking to the people you hung out with last night.

  • Linking to the famous people you hung out with last night.
  • Photos of you and your friends having fun last night.
  • Photos of you having fun with famous people last night.
  • Blogging drunk.
  • Taking someone off your blogroll because they piss you off.
  • Introducing people at a party by their blog name. Am appealling on this one, it is their identity!
  • Having your picture on your index page.
  • Posting pictures you took of people without asking their permission.
  • Blogging about your kid.
  • Being “recognized.”
  • Having stupid commenters.
  • Having sycophantic commenters. See above.
  • Having, going to, or blogging about any sort of “blogger get-together”, “blogger party” or “blogger bash.”
  • Having a “guest blogger.”
  • Friendster. Dodgeball. Flickr. Myspace. Buzznet. LinkedIn. Tribe. Ryze. bla-bla-blah
  • Linking to your own press.
  • Plugging your friend’s stuff. I plug if it is good, and disclose the relationship.
  • Blogging about search terms that brought people to your site.
  • Starting a post with, “Everyone in the blogosphere has been buzzing about…”
  • Saying “blogosphere.” Ever. Even ironically.
  • Referring to any blogger as “famous.”
  • Posting pictures that you’ve taken of your TV. One of my first test pictures on my Photoblog, does that count ?

* Blogging about weight gain / weight loss / gym membership / ice-cream binges.
And, finally…

  • Blogging about blogging.

Plus my personal additions:

  • Reading your ego-feeds first.
  • Checking your blog/feed/referrer traffic more than once a day.
  • Blogging posts like “I love my XXXX”, XXXX being any electronic, kitchen, gardening or automobile gear.
  • Having a feeling of deep loneliness when your traffic is 50% below average.
  • Mentally setting an expectation as to when the first comment on a post or picture will be posted.
  • Desperately trying to find something to blog about, just because you have not for a while and your traffic has been in constant decline for the past X weeks.
  • Actually wasting my time calculating my BCF.
  • Not only wasting my time calculating my BCF, AND blogging about it.
  • NEW: Posting way too late/tired, and going “WTF did I mean/write/disclose ?” the next morning.